I remember on Valentine’s Day Drew asked me if I still had feelings for him, and I said no, but then I meant, plus I knew how much it meant to L for him to say yes to be her boyfriend. Now, I’m not so sure what I feel. Today was just so easy, and I thought we’re good, we’re in a good place. Maybe I won’t ever be in love with him again, I’ll only love him like a brother. Then in math he wasn’t there again. Lately, he’s been skipping that class, and I’m not okay with that. This is out Junior year which means colleges are looking at this grades, and I happen to know he has a F in that class and I know he’s not passing a lot of them. The thing is that he’s really good a math, better than me even, so I’m not understanding why he’s skipping. And in History he’s always there, which is our next class, and we’re so light and breezy in that class, like there’s no awkwardness at all. That’s how it should be, but I have my moments when I think that if he was like this when we were dating, maybe we would’ve lasted, but that would be putting the blame on him.
On the way to last period we were walking down the hall like we always do and I told him he’s messing his life up, his future, and he joked that I’m his distraction and I got fake mad( lol ), then he said the one thing that I did not under any circumstances want to hear because he has a girlfriend who is my friend and I can’t go out with him because I can’t date anybody because I’m so freaking messed up! … anyway here is what he said, “You’re like a magnet. I’m drawn to you.” Okay, I admit that the second sentence may have been my imagination playing tricks on me, but I feel like he said that, but I know he said the first sentence. I’m standing there thinking SCREW U DREW! Don’t tell me these things! It only hurts me to hear them, then I have to act like I don’t like you and I know that hurts you and confuses you. So I said, “Fuck you!” in a joking tone, then we split ways. Awkward I know.
So I had a grammar test in Latin that I know I failed( funny story, before the test I wrote something on my hands, but it wasn’t answers and before the bell rung I put hand sanitizer on and she saw my hand and I think she thought I probably cheated, but I don’t think she’ll think that when she grades my test, lol )and it was basically all I could think about and when I got on the bus the only thing I could do was lay my head on my backpack and look out the window to keep from crying. One of my best friends always sits with me and she was playing Fruit Ninja on her Ipad so that helped, but low and behold Drew decides to sit in the row next to me. He asked me if I was okay, and I was surprised I could even turn and face him. I got the impression that he thought I was mad at him, which I wasn’t, but I guess it came off like that.
Tomorrow’s a new day, and I’ll see what it brings.