Lullaby

Bad news : I’m sick! It’s not official but I sneezed when I wrote “I’m sick” and the back of my mouth is really dry. My granny’s getting sick too and I didn’t feel sick until she got home last night. So I’m blaming this on her! But on the bright side, If I’m sick I can’t go to my bff’s house to spend the night. She called me yesterday when she was at the mall, I was here with my mom watching tv on demand. I had to catch up on Grimm, Revenge, and Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Anyway she was buying people gifts and said we should do something tomorrow, which is today, and I said “Hey, can I spend the night at your house?”And she was like I’m not with my mom to ask her right now. . .and I was suppose to ask granny, but it looks like that’s not working out now. And if I’m sick then I don’t have to be pissed that I can’t go, because I have to stay and take care of granny.

But the really important thing that happened to me was coming to the realization that I love D so much that I’d rather die than let him go. I got that from Ron Pope’s Lullaby. The exact lyric is, “And I swear on my soul I’d rather die than let her go.”I just substituted her for him, and BAM! I’m left feeling sad and empty because I won’t see him until next year, and I’m already feeling nauseous and empty in his absence.Why can’t I just grow some balls and tell him how I feel! Want to know something really pathetic? My last day of exams this week I dressed  sexy, or at least tried to, but I did get a lot of compliments, just for him. I had on black skinny jeans, boots, a black top with red writing on it, and deep red lip gloss( I improvised with red lipstick and pinkish lip gloss. ). I said I was going to flirt with him, and make him forget about any other girl, maybe even kiss him and he wasn’t even there! Do you know how upset I was?! He wasn’t at the bus stop and neither was that girl, I knew it was stupid to think that maybe they were hanging out together because they didn’t have an exam for the first half of the day, but then he wasn’t in for our math exam and I just felt really stupid. Like when you wear makeup for a guy and he doesn’t even look your way. And is it stupid to think that maybe D does like that girl? Kimberly doesn’t like her, probably because I don’t like( only because she flirts with D and has a bf ), which makes Kimberly a really good friend in my opinion. She can be wild and erratic, but supportive where it counts.

I’m hoping when we go shopping after Christmas for my Christmas gifts ( money differences ) that I can find a new wardrobe that will make me feel more sophisticated and smart, someone worth taking an interest in.